The beginning of January started the next leg of our journey.
It started with a dream.. I woke up one night and had a dream that D was back in jail and J was with Sophie crying and not sure what to do.
I woke up and prayed.
About a week later we found out it was true.
This next phase of the journey has been tons of phone calls, coordinating legal issues between states and too much detail for a blog. It has by far been the hardest part. Stressful, emotional, cumbersome, draining would be how I describe it. But, life is like that sometimes and in the end is it worth it.
Adoption can be bittersweet. It amazes me to see kid's stories and how their paths intertwined with familes from across the world. My cousin adopted their daughter from Central America a few years ago, we have friends who have adopted from Romania, Africa, Asia. We hear stories like that all the time, but when you stop and think about it, it is a miracle that we can travel across the country or even world and adopt children into our families. Yet, it doesn't usually come easily. I love talking to other families who have adopted because they understand. They understand the cost of adoption. Not just financial cost, but the emotional cost as well. At at the same time, they understanding the inexplicable joy that follows.
When we adopted Liliana, I had a some meaningful verses from the book of Psalms to express our journey with her.
For Sophie, it has been this verse from Hebrews 11:6:
"Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him"
God has been taking me on this amazing faith journey. Over and over again I remind myself that God is a rewarder. This leg of the journey will soon pass and there will be a sweet reward on the other side.
Sophie isn't even in our home yet, but she has already taught me so much. She has taught me to love in ways deeper than I knew I was capable of doing. She had taught me to trust God and remain tenacious. I have loved this girl from day one and I am so thankful for the outlet of prayer I have had. I have learned to love her with my prayers for all these months and very soon, those prayers will turn into tangible love. Hugs, kisses, making meals, playing peek a boo, reading books.. all part of parenting. But how thankful I am to have a rich and deep foundation of love already built through prayer.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
SOPHIE’S JOURNEY PART 4
At the end of October a shift happened. I was praying one day and instead of my usual, “Just wait and chill out” answer from God, I felt strongly I was to call Liliana’s foster family. Liliana lived with an amazing couple, James and Nikki, while we were waiting for paper work to go through. James and Nikki are a retired couple who live on a ranch called Mercy Ranch. They were both in the medical field and now volunteer doing medical missions and also devote their lives to helping unwed mothers. Their ranch is open for girls who need love and family. J lived with James and Nikki after she delivered her first son. She did not have support from her family, so they took in her and her son for a year. When she left their house, she started up again with the wrong crowd and got pregnant with Liliana.
I thought James and Nikki may know what was going on with J.
We found out that “baby sibling” was a little girl named Sophie. We found out that J was not doing well and that the girls were in some at risk situations, some of which were caused by D.
My prayer life began to change and I knew I needed reinforcements.
I had a group of people that often asked about our adoption and were committed to pray. So, I began e-mailing and explaining the situation and asking for prayers from a team of people. I knew Chris and I needed more prayer than we could do by ourselves.
I also went into pro-active mode.
We were planning a trip to visit family in Texas, so I called Carol to arrange for us to meet J & D. We knew J would not sign unless D did, otherwise he would have full custody. We also knew that J would not talk to D about it because that was a source of fights and aggression. D still had not processed the adoption with Liliana, even though he willingly signed papers. He was in jail during her adoption, so he never had the chance to meet us and we knew he was raw from that adoption, much less considering Sophie’s adoption.
They both were glad we initiated a meeting. We met D, J and Sophie along with Carol for lunch. We were at the restaurant for over 3 hours . They had a chance to find out how Liliana was doing. She was not with us at lunch, but they asked tons of questions and we had recent pictures. It confirmed to J that she made the right decision to place Liliana for adoption and she was so happy to hear how things were going. D shared his struggles and Carol did an amazing job of walking him through his healing process and how to handle his grief in a healthy, rather than aggressive, manner. D shared with us that he was facing another sentence in jail and it was just a matter of time before he would be caught. He seemed to want to spend as much time as he could with Sophie because he knew it wouldn’t last long.
After talking to us, D knew it was the right choice for Liliana, as hard as it was for him. It was a positive meeting. Chris and I felt like it was good for both of them to see us and hear about Liliana and be reminded in person how much we love her. We knew it was a matter of time before D went back to jail and that when that happened we would be entering the next phase of our journey.
And of course we got to meet Sophie for the first time. She is beautiful. She has dark hair and brown eyes. She is more petite than Liliana and so sweet.
We took a picture of our time at the restaurant and when Chris got home he made it the picture on his cell phone screen saver. (I have to admit; when I saw his phone I got jealous and asked him to put it on mine as well). Every time we made a call or checked the time, there was our sweet little Sophie.
I thought James and Nikki may know what was going on with J.
We found out that “baby sibling” was a little girl named Sophie. We found out that J was not doing well and that the girls were in some at risk situations, some of which were caused by D.
My prayer life began to change and I knew I needed reinforcements.
I had a group of people that often asked about our adoption and were committed to pray. So, I began e-mailing and explaining the situation and asking for prayers from a team of people. I knew Chris and I needed more prayer than we could do by ourselves.
I also went into pro-active mode.
We were planning a trip to visit family in Texas, so I called Carol to arrange for us to meet J & D. We knew J would not sign unless D did, otherwise he would have full custody. We also knew that J would not talk to D about it because that was a source of fights and aggression. D still had not processed the adoption with Liliana, even though he willingly signed papers. He was in jail during her adoption, so he never had the chance to meet us and we knew he was raw from that adoption, much less considering Sophie’s adoption.
They both were glad we initiated a meeting. We met D, J and Sophie along with Carol for lunch. We were at the restaurant for over 3 hours . They had a chance to find out how Liliana was doing. She was not with us at lunch, but they asked tons of questions and we had recent pictures. It confirmed to J that she made the right decision to place Liliana for adoption and she was so happy to hear how things were going. D shared his struggles and Carol did an amazing job of walking him through his healing process and how to handle his grief in a healthy, rather than aggressive, manner. D shared with us that he was facing another sentence in jail and it was just a matter of time before he would be caught. He seemed to want to spend as much time as he could with Sophie because he knew it wouldn’t last long.
After talking to us, D knew it was the right choice for Liliana, as hard as it was for him. It was a positive meeting. Chris and I felt like it was good for both of them to see us and hear about Liliana and be reminded in person how much we love her. We knew it was a matter of time before D went back to jail and that when that happened we would be entering the next phase of our journey.
And of course we got to meet Sophie for the first time. She is beautiful. She has dark hair and brown eyes. She is more petite than Liliana and so sweet.
We took a picture of our time at the restaurant and when Chris got home he made it the picture on his cell phone screen saver. (I have to admit; when I saw his phone I got jealous and asked him to put it on mine as well). Every time we made a call or checked the time, there was our sweet little Sophie.
SOPHIE’S JOURNEY PART 3
I would call this next phase “the silent months”. We knew J’s approximate due date but had no idea when the baby was born, if the baby was healthy, if it was a boy or girl. J dropped out of contact and all we could do was wait. Wait for her to call. Wait to hear what was going on. Ultimately wait on God.
God was very faithful to us during this time. Whenever we walk an unknown journey, he seems to give us “sign posts” along the way. They are just enough encouragement or hope for us to keep walking, even though it seems foolish when you consider the circumstances.
Our “sign posts” started coming. First there was a card from some of friends with a kind note and a check to go towards our adoption. Then it was an e-mail from a friend in another state who had a dream about our 2nd adoption and felt an overwhelming sense to pray and e-mail some Bible verses as an encouragement. Then came another money gift, more e-mails.. Little messages at the right time to show us that God was with us, even though all we could do was wait.
I held this Bible verse close to my heart during these months.
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint. (Is 40: 28b-31)
As I trusted God, new strength would be waiting for me. In fact after a few months had passed and we knew the baby was at least 2 -3 months old, we were given the option of putting in a request for another adoption and pursing a new avenue. We considered it, but we just couldn’t bring ourselves to go through with it. We knew in our hearts “baby sibling” (that is what we called him/her) was to be part of our family. God would help us to not grow weary or faint of heart if we waited on him and trusted. We determined not to give up on this child despite circumstances.
God was very faithful to us during this time. Whenever we walk an unknown journey, he seems to give us “sign posts” along the way. They are just enough encouragement or hope for us to keep walking, even though it seems foolish when you consider the circumstances.
Our “sign posts” started coming. First there was a card from some of friends with a kind note and a check to go towards our adoption. Then it was an e-mail from a friend in another state who had a dream about our 2nd adoption and felt an overwhelming sense to pray and e-mail some Bible verses as an encouragement. Then came another money gift, more e-mails.. Little messages at the right time to show us that God was with us, even though all we could do was wait.
I held this Bible verse close to my heart during these months.
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint. (Is 40: 28b-31)
As I trusted God, new strength would be waiting for me. In fact after a few months had passed and we knew the baby was at least 2 -3 months old, we were given the option of putting in a request for another adoption and pursing a new avenue. We considered it, but we just couldn’t bring ourselves to go through with it. We knew in our hearts “baby sibling” (that is what we called him/her) was to be part of our family. God would help us to not grow weary or faint of heart if we waited on him and trusted. We determined not to give up on this child despite circumstances.
SOPHIE’S JOURNEY PART 2
Already our 2nd adoption was completely different than the 1st. With Liliana we had no idea she existed until she was 6 months old and we got the phone call about adopting her. We waited almost 3 years to be chosen to adopt and thought it was a closed door. We did all of our waiting on the front end, so when the time came to adopt her, things moved quickly.
Now, we were waiting and anticipating the pregnancy with J. The idea of being there when the baby arrived in the world was a new anticipation. The idea of Liliana playing with her sibling and their dynamic was another new dimension. But mostly was the fact that we had the full term of the pregnancy to pray for this child. I felt like that was going to be important in this child’s story.
I prayed the normal stuff any mom would pray- the child would be developing in a healthy way, safe delivery, and even over the formation of the baby’s personality and spiritual calling even in the womb. But there were moments the prayers would turn into something more.
I remember one afternoon in particular. I was folding laundry and felt this overwhelming sense to pray. Soon tears came and the next thing I knew I was weeping for this baby. I had no idea what was going on, but just allowed the prayers and tears to flow and knew I was doing something on a spiritual level that I couldn’t see with my own eyes.
I had actually learned that from our adoption with Liliana. Even though we had no idea that she existed, God did. At key times in her life, our prayers would intensify for her, even though we had no idea why. Once we met J and heard their story, I went back to my journal and saw the parallels of what I was praying and what was happening.
Liliana’s story also began with a time of prayer and fasting in our church. We were observing Lent and had 40 days for prayer and fasting in 2007. I very much wanted a baby and so that was my personal prayer focus. Later I found out that during that time is when Liliana was conceived. The time of her birth along with a few other intense moments of her life, God had her new mom praying.
I knew baby #2 needed extra prayers due to her unstable situation.
D and J had gotten back together and J couldn’t bring up adoption because D didn’t want that. She called our social worker about a month before delivery not knowing what to do. Carol assured her we were waiting and ready, but that she needed to talk to D. In the mean time Carol told us to go ahead and get our new home study done and start the paper work on our end. We stepped out in faith, trusting that soon this baby would be with us.
Now, we were waiting and anticipating the pregnancy with J. The idea of being there when the baby arrived in the world was a new anticipation. The idea of Liliana playing with her sibling and their dynamic was another new dimension. But mostly was the fact that we had the full term of the pregnancy to pray for this child. I felt like that was going to be important in this child’s story.
I prayed the normal stuff any mom would pray- the child would be developing in a healthy way, safe delivery, and even over the formation of the baby’s personality and spiritual calling even in the womb. But there were moments the prayers would turn into something more.
I remember one afternoon in particular. I was folding laundry and felt this overwhelming sense to pray. Soon tears came and the next thing I knew I was weeping for this baby. I had no idea what was going on, but just allowed the prayers and tears to flow and knew I was doing something on a spiritual level that I couldn’t see with my own eyes.
I had actually learned that from our adoption with Liliana. Even though we had no idea that she existed, God did. At key times in her life, our prayers would intensify for her, even though we had no idea why. Once we met J and heard their story, I went back to my journal and saw the parallels of what I was praying and what was happening.
Liliana’s story also began with a time of prayer and fasting in our church. We were observing Lent and had 40 days for prayer and fasting in 2007. I very much wanted a baby and so that was my personal prayer focus. Later I found out that during that time is when Liliana was conceived. The time of her birth along with a few other intense moments of her life, God had her new mom praying.
I knew baby #2 needed extra prayers due to her unstable situation.
D and J had gotten back together and J couldn’t bring up adoption because D didn’t want that. She called our social worker about a month before delivery not knowing what to do. Carol assured her we were waiting and ready, but that she needed to talk to D. In the mean time Carol told us to go ahead and get our new home study done and start the paper work on our end. We stepped out in faith, trusting that soon this baby would be with us.
SOPHIE'S JOURNEY- PART 1
We are getting ready to leave today to get our new daughter and I wanted to blog about her. I will be adding parts as I have time to sit and write.
SOPHIE’S JOURNEY PART 1
For the past few years our church has engaged in times of prayer and fasting for an extended period of time. Each time we encourage people to have a certain personal focus and to ask God for something meaningful to you personally.
October 2009 we had a 21 day time of prayer and fasting. When I considered what I wanted my focus to be, immediately I thought I wanted to begin praying for a second child to adopt.
The 3rd day into my fast, I woke up in the middle of the night and I knew I needed to get up and pray and journal. All I could pray for was a sibling for Liliana. It was overwhelming. Later that afternoon I was out running errands when our social worker, Carol, called. Carol handled our first adoption with Liliana and she calls from time to time to check in. I remember sitting in the parking lot of Woodmans when she told me about J being pregnant again with Liliana’s full blooded sibling. She was scared and seriously considering abortion as her only option in this point of her life. Her boyfriend was in and out of jail and couldn’t offer support and she also had a son she was raising. She was overwhelmed and called Carol to ask if we would consider adopting this child too.
Normally the agency doesn’t call adoptive parents until the 3rd trimester because the girls have a lot to process and can change their minds. But Carol felt it was urgent to call us and that the only way J was going to go through with the pregnancy is if she had the assurance we would be there.
Of course I was blown away by the timing of it all. Not only would we have an opportunity to adopt again, but it would actually be her full blooded sibling. What are the odds of that happening.
Of course we said YES. Our journey of prayer and love began.
SOPHIE’S JOURNEY PART 1
For the past few years our church has engaged in times of prayer and fasting for an extended period of time. Each time we encourage people to have a certain personal focus and to ask God for something meaningful to you personally.
October 2009 we had a 21 day time of prayer and fasting. When I considered what I wanted my focus to be, immediately I thought I wanted to begin praying for a second child to adopt.
The 3rd day into my fast, I woke up in the middle of the night and I knew I needed to get up and pray and journal. All I could pray for was a sibling for Liliana. It was overwhelming. Later that afternoon I was out running errands when our social worker, Carol, called. Carol handled our first adoption with Liliana and she calls from time to time to check in. I remember sitting in the parking lot of Woodmans when she told me about J being pregnant again with Liliana’s full blooded sibling. She was scared and seriously considering abortion as her only option in this point of her life. Her boyfriend was in and out of jail and couldn’t offer support and she also had a son she was raising. She was overwhelmed and called Carol to ask if we would consider adopting this child too.
Normally the agency doesn’t call adoptive parents until the 3rd trimester because the girls have a lot to process and can change their minds. But Carol felt it was urgent to call us and that the only way J was going to go through with the pregnancy is if she had the assurance we would be there.
Of course I was blown away by the timing of it all. Not only would we have an opportunity to adopt again, but it would actually be her full blooded sibling. What are the odds of that happening.
Of course we said YES. Our journey of prayer and love began.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Catching up from last week...
Last week was Chris' birthday. He said it was a great birthday.. in the morning he took Liliana on a Daddy-Daughter date and then in the afternoon the two of us went on a date. Chris' love language is gifts. (from the book 5 Love Languages). I know that about him, but I forget how much it means to him until I actually see him with a gift. I bought him a special coffee machine that brews individual cups and he was the most excited person ever. He loved it and has been talking about it non stop for days. Seriously, he might have been more excited about it than Liliana was about her birthday gifts last month. It was fun to see.
We also went to our first family movie last week for a matinee. I don't think I have seen a movie at the theater for about 3 years. I had my bag loaded down with snacks to keep passing on to Liliana since she had never sat through a movie like that before. She was loving life. It was a fun family outing.
We had a conference in Milwaukee area over the weekend and then a very jam packed Sunday and Monday, so we are ready for our day off today.
We are about ready to have a blizzard hit Madison. I am excited! I love the snow and it is so fun when we get a large amount.
At this point in life we don't have to shovel driveways, due to where we live, and we have a hill outside our back door, so we can go snow shoeing. I'm excited to do some baking today, read, and hang out with my family. Here's to a relaxing day!
We also went to our first family movie last week for a matinee. I don't think I have seen a movie at the theater for about 3 years. I had my bag loaded down with snacks to keep passing on to Liliana since she had never sat through a movie like that before. She was loving life. It was a fun family outing.
We had a conference in Milwaukee area over the weekend and then a very jam packed Sunday and Monday, so we are ready for our day off today.
We are about ready to have a blizzard hit Madison. I am excited! I love the snow and it is so fun when we get a large amount.
At this point in life we don't have to shovel driveways, due to where we live, and we have a hill outside our back door, so we can go snow shoeing. I'm excited to do some baking today, read, and hang out with my family. Here's to a relaxing day!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Let's Go on An Adventure
As a mom, I am quite thankful for fun words. You can make any ordinary event special with some creative vocabulary.
This past week was our week of "adventures". We pretended like we were on adventures each day. A trip to Woodmans grocery store takes on a whole new meaning when you add the word adventure to it. Liliana got to bring a little back pack to the store and help scope out things to buy. We even had a stop at the treat aisle to make the adventure complete.
I was feeling pretty good about my made up adventures and then we went on a tour of Epic software company with a friend of ours who works there. Talk about an adventure- the place was great. Each building is decorated in a different theme- Asia, Western, an Indiana Jones hallway, Safari,... it was an interior designers dream. The owners of Epic have a huge budget dedicated to cool decorations to make the work environment fun. We pretended to run away from the dragons and were going in the conference rooms trying to shoot them with our bow and arrow. Very fun.
I also converted half of our walk in closet into a little play area for Liliana. She loves going in there to play, so I decided to move our excess stuff out of the corner so she could set up a little area for her. She absolutely loves it and the adventures have continued.
Here's to a week of ordinary, but fun adventures. Dora would be proud!
This past week was our week of "adventures". We pretended like we were on adventures each day. A trip to Woodmans grocery store takes on a whole new meaning when you add the word adventure to it. Liliana got to bring a little back pack to the store and help scope out things to buy. We even had a stop at the treat aisle to make the adventure complete.
I was feeling pretty good about my made up adventures and then we went on a tour of Epic software company with a friend of ours who works there. Talk about an adventure- the place was great. Each building is decorated in a different theme- Asia, Western, an Indiana Jones hallway, Safari,... it was an interior designers dream. The owners of Epic have a huge budget dedicated to cool decorations to make the work environment fun. We pretended to run away from the dragons and were going in the conference rooms trying to shoot them with our bow and arrow. Very fun.
I also converted half of our walk in closet into a little play area for Liliana. She loves going in there to play, so I decided to move our excess stuff out of the corner so she could set up a little area for her. She absolutely loves it and the adventures have continued.
Here's to a week of ordinary, but fun adventures. Dora would be proud!
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